One of my biggest youth ministry mistakes was rooted in ignorance. Early on, I would look around the room as our students would gather and assume that they were all more alike than they were different. In many ways, I was right. But my young youth ministry self was ignorant to the fact that each and every kid in that room had a different story. . . a different family story to be specific. It was not a case, as I functionally believed, that “a kid is a kid is a kid.” No, each one had grown up in and was living in a unique family context. If I was to minister to them well, I needed to know their family context. . . things that were happening that shouldn’t have been happening, along with things that might not have been happening that should have been happening.
It didn’t take long for me to begin to observe that there were some unique features to famlies where they had been divorce, death of a parent, or some other kind of what David Elkind once labeled as “family permutations.” Elkind was driving us to think about how different types of famlies leave a permanent mark(s) on the children and teens who grow up in them. Over time through conversations, observation, and lots of reading on family systems I began to understand some of the unique outcomes and needs facing the unique mix of kids we had in that youth group. We had lots of single-parent families. . . as I’m sure your church has as well.
Truth be told, I’m still learning. I’m learning from the people close to me who grew up in family systems that were significantly different than my own. I’m learning from the growing and helpful body of research on childhood and adolescent development, brain scans, counseling texts, and more that’sputting meat on the bones of my limited understanding. We’re always learning, aren’t we?
Recently, I read a book that opened my eyes (and my heart, I hope) to the reality of what life is like for single-parent families and kids in today’s world. It’s written by my friend Anna Meade Harris, who unexpectedly found herself a single parent to three boys after the death of her husband to cancer. God’s Grace For Every Family: Biblical Encouragement for Single-Parent Families and the Churches That Seek to Love Them Well put a lump in my throat at times. The realities that these families need to navigate are unknown to those of us who haven’t experienced them. Anna’s book has helped me to understand. It will help you do that, as well as helping you to respond with better ministry efforts.
It’s not at all surprising that God’s Grace For Every Family took the top award in the Marriage, Family, and Singleness category in the 2025 Christianity Today Book Awards. Yes, it’s that good and it’s that helpful. I would suggest that God’s Grace For Every Family is not optional reading, but required reading for every youth worker, chldren’s ministry worker, and pastor. In fact, I am suggesting that each and every church board get this book and read it together. After reading Anna’s book, it’s clear that we all can and must do better. . . and this book launches us with kindness, clarity, and grace onto that journey.
I recently chatted with Anna about her book on an episode of our Youth Culture Matters podcast, which I’ve embedded below. Take some time to listen in. . . and by all means, read the book!